Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
