if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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