can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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