he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
