home. puking in laundry basket.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
