By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
