This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
