New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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