Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
