i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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