Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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