Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
