i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
