his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
