i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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