Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
