I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
