U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
