"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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