Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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