she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
