So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
