i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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