i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
send nudes
from the living room?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
