I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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