thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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