dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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