guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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