i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Someone signed my nipple.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
