yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
