I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
