When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
