I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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