Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
