At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
