I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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