I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
