YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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