there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
