My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
