Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
