if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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