thus making me awesome and them whores
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
