I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
