i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
