Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I am naked and annoyed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
