Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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