I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
