Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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