I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
